naked

Topic 1: mean messages Last night -- ON EASTER SUNDAY -- I received two out-of-the-blue, super cruel, and slightly delusional messages from an ex's ex. I sure put me into a momentary funk. I was having kind of a hard day, so her messages were juuuust what I needed to make me totally break down and cry. But then I suddenly stopped crying when I realized, "Hey. What she said has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her. I don't even know her, nor did I do anything to her, so really I just need to shrug it off." And then I did. I tried to pay attention to my emotions instead of getting swept away by them. Poor girl. I genuinely wish her peace. It seems like she has a lot of emotional junk to work through if she feels it's necessary to tear other people down -- ESPECIALLY ON EASTER. Man. Come on! Topic 2: eating disorder Still strugglin'! LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL LOL!!! ROFL ROFL ROFL!!! LMAO LMAO LMAO!!! No, but seriously, it will probably kill me. But then again, I feel like I am doing a lot better -- at least better than I was a year ago. I was a mess a year ago. Like being-rushed-to-the-ER-for-possible-kidney-failure mess. It was rough. I still overexercise, I still occasionally purge, I still restrict, I still allow ED to make most of decisions and control most of my thoughts, buuuut... At least I'm eating more? And freaking out less about eating more? And I'm gaining weight and not freaking out about it as much as I thought I would. I'm beginning to be interested in food again, to meditate, to eat semi-mindfully. Sorta. Kinda. I don't know. I'm in this limbo phase and I just hope I don't descend again into that dark, dark place. Topic 3: SEX I have no interest in it. I almost want to say I'm asexual, but that's probably not true. Maybe once I am physically and emotionally healthier I will be more amorous. Okay, that's it for tonight. More secrets tomorrow.